poor Jye

today i was catching the train home from the city. when im on the train i like to watch and listen to other ppl and imagine wot it wud be like to be them - or be a part of their lives...sometimes i also wonder if ppl listen to me or watch me and wonder wot they think.
but today i was deeply saddened and disapointed by what i saw. there was a young single mum with a few of her friends and her son Jye. he was such a cutie, very curly, very blonde hair. obviously took after his biological father cos he loooked NOTHING like his mum. this sounds judgemental - but her and her friends all looked a bit trashy, had older clothes on, bad hair, bad makeup just all round dodgy looking, but also not a day over 20. thru eves-dropping i learnt:
* they all took drugs
* they were all ON drugs
* they had spent all day buying drugs
* they felt the need to add the "F" word between every 2 or 3 other words.

i seriosly wanted to kidnap little Jye. i guess thru doing my teaching degree i am learning alot about how to speak to children, how to get them to do what u want and how wot u say and do to them effects them emotionally. i was just appalled at wot this poor kid was coping. he would have been about 3 MAYBE 4. and he was hearing every single swear word. they spoke badly about him in front of him LIKE AS IF HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND!! he was getting called a little turd, a little s***. his mum was saying "im gonna leave u behind...i wish i cud" .... "ur gonna fall and break ur neck and im gonna laugh at u"
who says that to their kids? :-(

all they were talking about was getting smashed, it was tragic. the mother got all excited when she figured out opportunities and ways to dump her son so she cud go and get drunk or pick up some more drugs.
one girl was asked if she was still 'doing gear' she said she went off it but put on weight so now shes back on it again....like HELLO kind of an expensive diet isnt it?

anyway. it really broke my heart. it was like watching the making of a future armed robber. u cud just see this kid had no love in his life and was gonna end up with major issues. so sad. :-( poor little Jye, will have to pray for him tonight

not loving work right now

i hate retail
i hate customers
i hate looking for sizes just to make u happy even tho i know we dont have it
i hate smiling at you when all i want to do is cry
i hate being friendly to you when you've just been so horrible
i hate wishing you a merry christmas after you just ruined my day
i hate that i dont even know you, yet i already dont like you and hope to never see you again.

an untimely challenge

all challanges are untimely really. so i guess thats a stupid name for a post. but some challenges a re untimely-untimely challanges and are just plain unfair.
my family have had a complication with the couple they work with and now have 60 days to find an alternative sponsor for their visas. when it comes down to it, im calm, im not stressed becos i know that they will find a way and God called them to china - to work with these ppl. therefore, these people will not be the reason that my parents have to return to australia without having fulfilled their vision.
i just feel for my mum. well my dad but my mum especially. this couple were not just aquaintences, or even friends, they were partners! they were doing gods work together and as a result formed a very strong friendship - a bond. in places like that u need these kinds of links with ppl in order to survive. u really need friends. chinese friends are fine but only foreign friends will really understand what you are going thru and relate to ur day to day frustrations.

and on a totally unrelated issue.....
last friday i drove down to mandurah to go on a cruise with a friend of mine. it was for his work christmas do so it was all paid for, free food, free drinks, free cruise (student mentality = bring on the free stuff!) it was a fun night. food was good, ppl were ok, the cruise was lovely. the drive home however was something entirely different. jarrad was driving and 3 of his extremely drunk work mates were in the back. i would not, in my wildest dreams ever repeat the things they were saying not only in general, but also TO ME. at one stage jarrad pulled over and threatened to leave them all at the side of the road if they didnt stop speaking to me like they were. it was horrible. i ended up driving home at a crazy hour of the morning feeling upset and used and worthless. but the next day i was able to lift my chin up and put it all behind me.
and now looking at it, its made me thankful and opened my eyes. that scene, that really hurt me on friday night, was where i would have ended up. i would have ended up with loser bf's like them. in a crowd like them that has no respect for women or regard for others
im so glad that i have the friends i have to day, and the standards i have today.

i know i am loved

today, someone tried to break into my car.
i havent had my car for very long so its kind of devastating!! i have the worst headache from crying. i know that sounds so lame but it really did upset me.
im feeling so challenged as lately ive really been 'feeling' the words of a song by hillsong called "salvation is here" and theres a line that says "and i dont care, what the world throws at me now, ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT!" and when ive sung that line ive always just felt like screaming it at the top of my lungs and i feel like that devil is saying "oh yeh? well cop this!" and u know wot im saying..."ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT!!!!" *pokes tongue at stinky satan* hehe.
aaaaaanyway
tonight, i have just been so blessed by ppl around me that have cheered me up. when i got home my flatmates naomie and kristy really cheered me up. i dont know how or why, but they did.
but there were other ppl who said things that touched me and really made me feel loved.
the first was ruth, when she told me that she'd feel honoured to pick me up for church tmrw. HONOURED. and she didnt even say it in a sarcastic funny way, she really meant it. and i was like 'wow i feel special!'
then there was my brother jon he logged onto the internet and chatted with me for a bit...read wot he wrote....
Jonny says:
mum told me what happend to your car !
Jonny says:
that just makes me furious
caz says:
i know, im pretty upset hey
Jonny says:
if feel like finding the people who did that and just giving them the beating of their life ... im so mad !!
Jonny says: what type of idiots would do something like that ... i mean come on!
caz says:
aawww i love u jonny
caz says:
i feel special
Jonny says:
haaha u r special ! :D

isnt he sweet!!! he was going to bash them for me! hehehe.

and then there is my mum... this is part of the email she wrote to me later in the night..

Carrie, I am so sorry your car was damaged, but on the other hand very thankful as you are too that you still have your car. I can hardly stand it, my heart wrenches when you are so upset and I can't hug you in these times. I do wish that i could be there for you in these times.

i just feel so blessed to have people like this in my life. and the good thing is, that these are just a small sample of the amazing ppl that i get to share life with on a daily basis.
my car might be damaged, but the people that i love and the people that love me are still here, and really, thats all that counts.

my jonny bon rocker

i love my little brother jon so much..ok i love all my brothers and my sister, but at the moment im going to talk about jon
my little jonny-bon-rocker...who is not so little anymore cos he's taller than me and is turning 18 next month.
he lives in china with my parents and when he turns 18 he really has to quite literally become an adult. becos once u turn 18 and ur a foreigner in china, u have to either be studying or hav a job...or u get kicked out.
wot a huge thing to be facing.
if he stays in china he must find a serious teaching job that provides for him a visa, or study.
if he comes back to australia he has to work, or study (and work).
i really feel for him cos im not sure if he's ready for this. its like all of a sudden he's gonna get booted into the big wide world. ...and wot a scary world when its all new and ur experiencing things u never have b4 - with much higher stakes.
wen i left home i was 16 turning 17, so yes, i was much younger, but i was moving in with a brother who had money and cud lend me a helping hand. if jon moved back here, even tho im here, there is only so much i can do for him - as i sometimes struggle myself. and i cant offer him a place to live. WHERE ON EARTH WOULD HE LIVE?!?!
im so protective of jon and i know he is gonna do big things i just really dont envy his position.
he plays it down. and im not sure if he really is just playing it down or if he really hasnt considered how much of a big deal this all is.