when friends move on

my dearest ty-fighter is leaving. on sunday he leaves for south africa for 3 years. he will return every 6 months for a holiday. but a holiday isnt quite the same really. i mean im totally happy for him. this is such a big huge amazing opportunity for him. how many 23 yr olds have the oppurtunity to earn 100k a yr? not many. but he deserves it. he's worked so hard and been thru so much that he deserves a break!

im pretty upset tho :-( he came and visited on monday. i really enjoyed having him over. we didnt do anything major. he came over, we bummed around. we didnt even talk much. which was kind of weird. but we both had alot on our minds i guess and were just enjoying each others company. i know sometimes words dont need to be spoken for friends to have a conversation! then we went to hillary's for lunch. which was really nice. it was totally packed, it being easter monday and all. but the weather was amazing and the water looked beautiful. its a day that will be fixed in my memory for a long time to come. then we got back to my house and we did these personality profiles on each other. that was really funny. comparing wot we thought we were to wot the other person thought we were LOL.

then it was time for him to leave. we gave each other big fat hugs and i gave him a cheeky butt dance as he drove off...then i broke down in tears. it wasnt even our final goodbye...that is coming tomorrow when he's dropping off my lap top. but i just lost the plot. i went into my room and bawled. i just felt so lost and upset. i felt empty. thats a better word. theres a part of my heart that i didnt know existed and it was aching so badly. and it always does when tyrone leaves. i sat down, with the waterworks still pumping and wrote him his goodbye letter. i figured that was a good-a-time as any. id been trying to write it for ages but cudnt write wot i needed too. the letter is fairly long and soppy and teary, but i did it.

then i turned the music up loud, cried some more, then put on my running shoes. i knew i needed to run. running is so theraputic for me. it clears my head and helps me think. i dont know far i ran. it was to the school and back non-stop so im guessing 3 or 4 kms. it felt so good..well it hurt too, but it felt real good. it really did clear my head and help to see things from a different perspective. it clicked in me that for the past 3 years everything has been me...and tyrone. or at least thats how its been in my mind..."i wonder wot tyrone wud think if i did this" or "oh no i cant tell tyrone i did that" or "this reminds me of when tyrone and i..." he had become a HUGE part of my life. and now...its gonna be me, myself and i. and for the first time i felt excited. i had this picture in my mind of a new woman who is self developed and loves life and conquers the world. im not sure if ill be all of those things, but thats wot im aiming for.

i know that when i returned from china this year wud be tough and that it would be a new chapter in my life. but i didnt realise it was going to be tough and be a new chapter in so many different ways.
its gonna be tough, financially as i have new financial goals and a new lifestyle...but now im seeing new challenges, tyrone leaving and my new distance from cara. there are lots of other little things but they are the ones that stand out.
and the new chapter i always just invisioned uni...but i can see now that with tyrone gone and with him being a smaller influence on my life i am gonna develop into a different person. im not saying that tyrones influence was bad, or even incredibly good. im just saying that i will change. and theres no point fearing change, u just gotta embrace it i guess.

im feeling good today. but tomorrow is goodbye. im not sure how ill feel then. id hoped that by now id be all cried out. God knows ive been crying over him leaving every night (not an exaggeration) for the last 2 weeks. but something tells me theres plenty more where those tears came from. :-(

anyway, i guess i should go home...

blah blah

i went driving today for an hour. i've now logged 11 hours. YAY. only 14 more to go! by the end of next week i will only have 11 more to go! oh that sounds so great. everyone says "just lie" or "you arent REALLY PHSYICALLY logging ALL your 25 hours are you?" fact is, i dont want to lie. i want to do this properly and honestly. as much as logging 25 hours is a complete pain in the butt i can understand and appreciate the reasons for it. im so much more confident when i drive now and ive had some real good experiences.

im @ uni atm. been doing some research for my science experiment, looking for journal articles on australian families and also looking for articles on the process of adding meaning to a childs learning. the first two were very successful but the third is very difficult and ive given up and come here!

last nite i had culture group at my house. despite being exhausted i really enjoyed it. it was interesting to see what my spiritual giftings were (we did a little survey to find out wot they were) it was even more interesting to see what my spiritual giftings WEREN'T!!! mercy was right down the bottom! :-o haha. but helping was at the top. so i guess thats ok! hehe

my first week of uni was great and inspiring. this week has been just plain overwhelming. all of a sudden we are working on assignments, getting behind in readings and feeling confused in lectures. but i know this will pass when i fall into a routine. for now its taking everything in me not to freak out. some of the research i did today did lift some pressure off my shoulders tho which is great.

but yeh, back to culture group. people were all leaving and i walked them out to the carpark where they all were and there was a bunch of us standing around, talking about uni, about china (ruth and i) and just wots been happening in our lives. ruth was the last to leave and we had a nice big hug. as i was walking back up the driveway i thought "wow, i have some great friends". often i reflect on my life how it is now and how it was years ago. im always fascinated about how we just never know how things are gonna turn out. and as i walked up to my beautiful two storey villa i felt so excited. 5 years ago i would never have thought that id be living in perth, near a resort, in a beautiful villa, working for jeans west and going to uni.
makes u wonder where u'll be in another 5 years time! and i wonder how ill look back on my first year at uni?

long time no blog

been way way to long since i have updated my blog...apolagies to all my worthy followers. hahaha.
well im @ uni, this is my 2nd week and i am just feeling so unbelievably overwhelmed today. i have so much reading to do, so much knowledge to cram in and im not so sure that im doing a very good job of it. i think i missed out on doing a quiz for one of my units, but there is just so much going on that im really just not sure!
ive come to the labs to print off a reading that i need to do so i can complete an out-of-class task that i THINK needs to be done by the next tute...in an hour. and the reading is way too long. i think im just gonna wing it and write it as best i can *eeeeek* i am prolly worrying and stressing way too much tho. i always have been a perfectionist when it comes to school. when i get a B its not good enough, it has to b an A. when i get a distinction its not good enough, it has to be a high distinction. but im going to have to snap out of those unreal expectations for myself becos i know that realistically i wont be able to achieve that in every unit and most people wont, so why beat MYSELF up for something that most other ppl wud struggle to achieve anyway? i guess i need to change my mentality and thinking in some areas of my life!

apart from that all is well. i really am loving uni!! haha. just feeling a little overwhelmed today is all.
had a real busy weekend. worked thurs night, all day friday, 11-4 sat and 1-5 on sunday after church...stupid idea. im totally burnt out, will never do it again. im seriously considering dropping my thursday night shifts so that i can use that time to study so i can enjoy my weekends more. i think it will be worth the $50-$60 that i dont get.

all is going well where im living, still waiting on a washing machine tho *ggrr* REALLY OVER hand washing all my clothes, towels and sheets now. i had a sense of humour about it for a few weeks, but yeh, not any more! hehe.

either way, LG, lifes good. haha. been hunting round madly for a lap top too, comparing prices etc. trying to get the best deal! which is rare for me, i usually see something, like it, get it. i think comparing a prices mite b a good habit for me to get into! help me to stop impulse buying.

i had a friend come over a few weeks ago and do my budget for me. which im so happy about....although it was slightly depressing i must say! but yeh, its helped me to realise how much money i spend on stuff i dont need and stuff that i cant afford and im so much more aware of my cash flow now so its great. i mean, fixing my bad financial habits will take a while, but yeh, this is sure gonna help :-) (thanks anna!)

well i must go, im using this blog as a means to delay writing my reflection for this thing thats due!

so great to be blogging again