memories

astral boy, killing heidi (brings back memories!)

astral boy
you are so high
will you, ever come down?

soaring over everyone
your...bigger than the stars

oooooo....

astral boy
ur so hot
will u. ever melt?

flying so close
to the sun
now you know
how i felt.

ooooo....

now your cold
ur so alone
sitting on the floor
hard wood boards
and abstract thoughts
a gesture, to the door.

ooooo....

attraction

attraction.
how does it happen?
what is it inside us that makes us go "ooo la la" when someone walks in the room?
is it even possible to control? and if so, to what extent? or more importantly, is it healthy to try and control it?
i mean if the attraction is an "ooo la la" attraction wen that person enters the room then i guess its physical so its harder to control...or is intellectual/personal attraction harder to control?
im not sure
and is 'noticing' someone the same as having a silly crush? or are they two very different things? i guess its up to us to define it really and how we as a person think it should be, or how it actually IS.
hmm im just emptying my head.

he supplies all my needs

it seems god is finding new and creative ways to blow me away with his ability to supply me with my needs (and desires!)
a new car
a great new house
good grades
and yay even money.

sadly my account got overdrawn due to a bill. so my account is in the -$'s..which is never nice.
on friday i was just like "god, i know that if necessary i can survive til pay day with no money, but ya know, some money wud b nice." ...that night i put on a pair of jeans that had $20 in the back pocket!!

also, today i was supposed to go to this guys house to clean it and he was gonna pay me to do it. which was great for me cos id have money to live and also to put towards my insurance bill thats coming up next week. i was texting my best mate in sth africa and when he found out he offered me more money if i wud just stay at home and not go to this guys house. i cudnt believe he was offering this. but of course i accepted. god bless tyrone. altho we've had our moments, he really is heaven sent at times. im so thankful to him for helping me. but im more thankful to god. because he had it all worked out. he knew all along that those sms's would get exchanged and he knew the state of ty's heart. ty is a giving man. im so happy. i know its just a small thing but im blown away.im easily pleased! haha.

also today ruth asked me if i wanted to go to the leaders meeting tonight. i was really suprised. yet excited. i guess because ive really felt that god has been working on me and i feel like im changing. but i feel like by being invited to this that other ppl can see a change in me too. the fact that its a leaders meeting doesnt even matter to me! im just so glad that ppl can see god is working on and in me. is that lame? ahh i dont care. im just happy. haha.
ok ill stop waffling.
but its good that god can supply my physical and emotional needs.
JOLLY HOCKEY STICKS!!

my church family

Today is fathers day. Today, I cant see my dad, he is in China. I was a little sad about that and I miss my family but I hadn’t really had the time to think about it. Today at church we had a beautiful segment dedicated to the dads where they all got given home made soaps from the kids and a wonderful video presentation was played for the dads. The video presentation was full of kids saying why they loved their dads. It was so sweet, not to mention funny. It bought tears to my eyes. The message, delivered by pastor Gerard was excellent. About the affect father have on their kids not just in the physical sense but also spiritually. And also how God can be our Father. It was really good.
I was ushering so I was there for both the first and second service. At the end of the second service I was feeling good cos id made it thru the whole morning without crying…haha. Well.. Along with the alter call, pastor Gerard called up some key male leaders in the church that are also fathers and said anyone that needed a godly, fatherly hug they were welcome to come up the front and get one! I tell you, I wanted to sprint up there! But I cudnt. I knew id just cry. Then I started crying anyway, so I ran to the toilets instead. (hmm wrong direction carrie!) as much as my dad knows how to drive me nuts I just really miss him today. And I felt so empty and sad. Then I came out and well, God is good. He knew I needed family around me and that’s what I had – my church family. It didn’t matter why I was crying, people were giving me the most thereputic hugs. I really do have wonderful friends. And then I started getting hugs from Dads. I was blown away by how much compassion I felt from them when I explained to them why I would not be able to see my dad today. Mr Buck even gave me his hanky! I approached Mr Pilton to tell him that he needed to drink his hot drink on the lino (only to discover his cup was actually empty! Lol) and when he saw that id been crying he just gave me the biggest hug. I couldn’t believe it. I hardly know him. Yet he stepped away from his conversation to comfort me and give me a cuddle.
Im so blown away by my church family. Um yeh, I don’t know what else to say. Im just blown away. People who I hardly know, show more love than some people that ive known for years! I guess that’s the love of God.