my jay boy.

i got an email from my jay boy that really made me laugh today.
hmm, i guess 'my jay boy' is kind of a very personal way to refer to someone who u rnt romantically involved with. but he is just my friend. he used to have a thing for me. i dont know if he still does. b4 i left i was pretty sure he still did. or at least it seemed by the way he touched me and wud do nearly anything for me. but im not sure how he feels now. he really is a good mate.
he'd pick me up from work on thursday nites (late nite trade) so i didnt have to catch the bus/train home at nite. he'd even travel all the way out to Morley to get me, in pouring rain. pretty sweet really.
i remember i made the huge mistake of kissing him on his 21st. i should neverhave done that. he thought that i liked him. but i was just caught up in the moment, and a little too full of wine. gosh im a terrible person sometimes. during his speech he gazed at me nearly the whole time. a few days later we went out for coffee to discuss wot 'happened'. i told him that we cudnt date. we cud only b friends. i broke the poor guys heart. it wasnt a nice thing to do at all. but i had to b honest. it was an awesome kiss tho. ill give him that much, he is a damn good kisser.
jay boy is truly so amazing. its almost wrong not to be attracted to him. but im just not. he is my mate! he's such an eligible bachelor tho. he's smart, he's sweet, he has a great job, a cute car and he has just bought a house...he's only 22 yrs old! he's achieved so much. but i mean...most of things r all material and thats just not wot im after. i need attraction. i need sexual tension (without the release....lol). i need things to be exciting and unpredictable!
jay boy is just a little....too good. i dont like to say it, he's kinda like a mumma's boy. its hard to explain.
ppl ask me y im not dating him. and i dont even have a logical answer for y. im just not attracted to him. ...well, ok that is logical. but it seems mean. cos he is quite good looking. but yeh ..ANYWAY..
the email...
oh it made me smile. we had been discussing thru email's things we'd have to do wen i get back. we were trying to think of sum crazy stupid things to do to make up for some lost time. ...but well,we both suck and cudnt think of anything that interesting. which i believe is mostly becos wot i class as fun and wot he classes as fun are two very different things. and i said as a joke..."maybe i cud chase you around with chicken fat and throw remote controls at u"
....anyone reading this blog will sooooo not know wot im going on about.

...as a quick summary. we were house sitting together with sum friends once, we were cooking dinner and he wudnt cut the chicken cos he hates the feeling of raw chicken, so i chased him with raw chicken fat hands. and another time he asked for the controls, so i ditched them really hard, but hit him in the chest :- (oops!) so yeh, they r memories he often brings up as examples of how abusive i am, haha...as a joke....

so yeh, anyway, as a reply to my suggestion of chasing him with chicken fat and throwing remote controls at him...he said..."I think messin with some chicken fat or you ditching a remote at me sounds like a swell idea - looking forward to it!" HAHA. oh i laughed so much. i miss jay boy. i can just imagine him saying that too. which made it more funny.

this is for sure something only i wud find funny. i had to write about it tho. jay is such good value and lately ive been feeling bad for the way i treated him. and in a way, perhaps lead him on. i still maintain that i had no idea he liked me, and that we were just good mates. but according to some other ppl i was a total flirt and it was impossible for me NOT to notice he liked me. thats just my personality tho. i get along good with guys, as mates (neva as bf's tho...interesting that). i was just being friendly, not "friendly". anyway. he cud do better than me anyway. he deserves a really good chick. i hope he gets one...and hopefully one that see's him for who he is, and not wot he's got.