religious boundaries

hmmm

ive had lots of thoughts running around in my head these last few days.
i had a dream the other night. it was so odd. i met this guy and we 'fell in love' and not long after, like a week or something crazy like that, we got married!!
it seemed as though we'd met at a holiday destination that my family and i wud go to every summer. only my dad was the only family there. he liked my new found love and his parents really loved me. us getting married just felt so right.

the next day reality hit me. not only did my mum not know that i was married, but i was married to someone who wasnt christian. in fact it seemed in the dream that he was athiest or something. i started to freak out. i sat him down and told him that even though i loved him soooo very much and i couldnt live without him that we had to get a divorce because he wasnt christian. it was like i was so afraid of what other people would think (especially my mum) when they found out that i (a suposedly god fearing, god loving christian girl) had married someone who wasnt christian. he was heart broken. he started to cry and begged me to reconsider. my heart was totally shattered. i totally loved this guy. so i decided, stuff it. i loved him and that was all that mattered.

so we continued on with our married life together and it was total bliss. then all of a sudden my mum turned up. she was so mad. i thought she was going to hurt me. but at the same time i felt terrible cos i cud see that i had broken her heart. the guy's parents had given us a car as a wedding present. petrified, we jumped in the car and drove away from my mum...

and yeh. thats it. i mean realistically, u dont love someone after a week. and u sure as hell dont get married. but dreams r like that, the timing never makes sense.
i just wish i knew wot the significance of this dream is. or if it has any at all?
i emailed tyrone about it. he thinks its so bad that christians r only sposed to marry christians. that you should do what you want to do and what feels right. ppl's opinions shouldnt effect what you do and who you love. and part of me really thinks he's right. but then, he cud really b biased. he dated a girl once who dumped him cos (and i quote) he was "going to hell" ...something along those lines anyway. which is totally tragic and not fair. so i wonder if maybe thats why he's so against the christians and christians thing?

but then i think about all my ex bf's. the guy that i lost every thing too. my 'first love'...he was christian. and he tore my heart out, ripped it in two then threw it back in my face. but even b4 we broke up, i think back on the way he used to treat me...and it wasnt nice. he had no respect for me. i was NOT a priority of his. hell he even freaking cheated on me. and he was christian! all the bad stuff that my ex bf's did put together doesnt amount to the crap he put me through. all the ex bf's that i consider sweet, or memorable were not christians at all. they respected wot i believed....but is that enough? i just dont know.

but then. its not even abotu bf's either. lets just consider the male species in general. as friends. or you know, as people you meet. when i think of guys that ive met the ones that are 'like minded' are just down right rude, snobby and up them selves. heaven forbid any of them should show any form of kindness. yet the guys i meet that are 'of the world' treat me like a perfect princess. i mean, not all of them thats for sure...but more than the christian guys. i mean, wot the hell is with that? i dont even have a good reason to date christian guy, ive never even meta nice one! ive some that i THOUGHT were nice,,,and then i get to know them and realise just how wrong i am.

i am often say to myself "if tyrone was christian, he would be the perfect man for me" well geez. i mean ok, i dont want tyrone as a bf. that is just an example. like, wot if i meet a perfect guy who isnt yet a believer. and that then makes him no longer perfect? i mean, ok NO ONE is perfect....but still... i mean. it just seems like a crime.
theres a guy that im friends with. he just talk online. and he is really cool too. and he has good values. he's aware of christianity, or so it seems. but i mean, he seems like one of those few guys that are nice, that respects girls. u know, a diamond in the rough kind of thing? the kind u rarely meet. is it fair to say that he's not 'worthy' cos he's not christian? *sigh*
ah whatever. i dont know. its just a thought, a question rather that is haunting me and i cant get it out of my head. like christianity is sposed to be this place of freedom. but it sure comes with a lot of friggin boundaries. boundaries that suck.