goodbye

its 12:45am. i just got home from sydney and im so tired that ill probably fall asleep writing this entry. but i just dont feel like going to bed just yet.
the house is so so so quiet. not to mention empty. karen has been in the process of moving out and i walked into a house with next-to-no furniture. wasnt exactly the 'homely' feeling i was wanting to soak up to make up for the fact that my mum isnt here to give a kiss goodnight.
i think thats wots keeping me from going to bed actually. i want to say good nigh to my family. but i cant :( im sure they are all FAST asleep now. they fly out back to china tomorrow.
i had a good time with them hey. but it just went so fast. i cant believe how fast it went. its weird, when i arrived it was all very exciting...10 mins later it was like old times again. i relax more with my family than i do with anyone else. which is to be expected really i guess.
the conference was excellent - but thats a whole other entry. we really only had saturday and sunday to spend together as the conference was so time consuming, not to mention exhausting.
sadly tho, a couple invited themselves over to our room for the whole of saturday. so a potential family day turned out to be, well, not a family day and my mum was expected to wait on this couple hand and foot. dont get me wrong. i still had some fun. i played tennis and frisby with jon and shani and dad and that was deffinately a good laugh. but real family time can only happen when there is just family around.
saturday night dad just watched the cricket of course. totally ignored all of us.
sunday he went off to church. we went to the shops as mum had to get a few things to take back to china. by the time we got back to the hotel i had 3 hours to pack and spend some quality time with them. once id packed we sat down to play some board games together. but suprise suprise dad was glued to the television. "thanks dad"
i did actually have a brief special moment with dad the day i arrived. at the conference we had a session where u cud go do a thingo on prayer and one of was on leadership. i stayed in the leadership one, as did dad. towards the end we had to partner up with someone we knew well and write: "3 things about you that work for me" and "3 things about you that DONT work for me" and "what i expect from you/ what i hold you accountable for" dad and i were partners. i told him straight what i dont like. hahaha. i said he was impatient, needs to reconsider how he talks to people and i cant remember the other one. i felt bad cos he only wrote one bad thing about me. haha "when you tell me im wrong, and i know ur right!" haha. made me laugh. but yeh there was a whole lot of other things and it bought us clse together - but only for the remainder of that day...then he went back to his usual rude, selfish person.
i mean i love my dad so much. i really do. i just wish he wasnt such an idiot. its like he says something that is SO rude. yet he cant see the problem with it. and u just want to slap him. anyway
the 'goodbye' was very rushed. someone foned in the last few mins that i had with my family and didnt seem to understand "im about to leave for the airport i have to go!"
so yeh a rushed goodbye as dad insisted that everyone go to church, which meant them leaving the same time as me, but their lift came early and yeh. very rushed. i was very upset. mum was crying. jon and shani's face to expression-less. dad seemed more interested in getting his lift to church.
i just miss them so much already.
i dont want to go to bed bcos i know ill just cry and i dont want to cry cos ive been crying all night it seems and my eyes are so sore i just wish they were here. or i was there. woteva. i just wish we didnt have to apart like this. its so unfair. and now ive just made myself even more upset.
i just really want my mum :-(