catch up 1 - one of 'those' girls (24/04/2005)

its been a while
so here is a blog entry i wrote once while at home cos i needed a release and didnt have the net..now i can post it....
24/04/2005
Last night I texted tyrone saying that I feel like I might be becoming like one of “those” girls. We used to talk about ‘those’ girls that he would meet when he’d go out clubbing. They’d seem all keen and sweet and like a really nice gal. He would get their number but it would turn out they have a bf, or they’d start seeing each other and things wud b good but then all of a sudden, BAM, sorry I just want to be single. We’d talk about how girls like this are idiots and they don’t know wot they want and they are the reason that there are so many stupid men out there cos they get screwed over by girls like this.

Last night I was thinking about jay and how I tore his heart out and Neale too and lots of other guys who’s names I cant remember (wot a man eater!) and those were all genuinely nice guys who treated me nicely but within 2 weeks, or less in most cases I would b running for the hills. ‘I just wanna be single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ there is nothing wrong with wanting to be single. That is fine. But im starting to realize that in my fight for singleness I really am hurting ppl. And this time, it wasn’t just any guy, it was a valued friend. And although we’re working to patch things between us, our friendship will never be the same.

But anyway im going off on a tangent…the other characteristic that one of ‘those’ girls carry is the ability to end up chasing losers. Well not just losers, but guys that don’t care about them, guys that will use them, guys that love their body-not them. I know im doing that at the moment. Well…im pretty sure that’s how he feels about me, I cant figure him out. He seems nice and we get along well, but I think he’s just excited about hooking up with an aussie chick. (he’s from nz) after spending time with him I think to myself “carrie wot r u doing? You can do so much better than him”….geez. wot a cocky little biatch ive become.

Im starting to see now tho, its not wot u CAN get, its about what you DESERVE to get. Ive always felt like ive deserved a great guy. But today im not so sure. I don’t feel I deserve an ass-wipe but I don’t think I deserve my prince. If I did get a prince chances are I’d ditch him anyway!!

So in short ‘those’ girls…act like they want something, but they really don’t, or at least they think they don’t, they really aren’t too sure either.
And I really think that’s me. So does ty. He agreed, reluctantly. It seems that he noticed it was happening to me a while ago.
My excuse is that I just want to have fun!! Which I think is fair enuff, and tyrone had to agree with that too. But I guess I have to draw the line at my fun and fun that hurts others. L