alone 08/05/2005

entry for the 08/05/2005

Sometimes I feel so alone. I miss tyrone. I miss being able to have someone to talk to whenever. I miss being able to have that someone who you can tell absolutely ANYTHING to. They wont judge u, or think less of u. just laugh or sometimes lecture u. Even though I do have good friends I still feel like I have no one to talk to. It sounds ridiculous and I cant even explain it myself. Blah. I don’t know. L

I just got off the fone to cara and she said that I didn’t sound like my normal self. I told her id been feeling a little down the last few weeks, missing tyrone, my family and getting stressed out from uni. I told her that I feel like I have no one to talk to and I feel like im exploding from within. I have my boss from work constantly confiding in me about all her problems. Which is ok. I don’t mind lending a shoulder to cry on. But I feel like if I talk to her about any of my troubles or tell her that im feeling down that she’ll just feel annoyed cos the problems in her life are just ‘so much bigger’ or something.

At the end of my conversation with cara she said that we need to hang out more. Which is right. Our friendship seems to have just gone completely down the drain since she’s stopped going to church. She also said that if ever I need someone to talk to that I should just call her, no matter whats going on even if I just need to have a cry. But I know that I wont. Our friendship isn’t good enough anymore for me to do that. And I think that’s the problem. I do have good friends, but I don’t have any close friends that I can just pick up the fone and have a general laugh or a cry with. I consider ruth Janine close, but she is so busy. And I know that she has so many other girls who confide in her, who have bigger problems so it feels wrong for me to bug her with all my crap. And there are something u don’t want your leader to know cos they are just stupid or embarrassing even…or lets face it, in some cases, just evil.