the cold shoulder

well maybe sometimes being honest and sharing how you really feel isnt always the best option. i dont know if what i wrote scared him or maybe he just doesnt feel the same but yeh im convinced dan is not at all interested.
today i spoke to him online for like a minute cos i logged on just as he was leaving (apparently, altho now im not convinced of the truth in that) we said hi and then he said that he'd received my email but hadnt yet had time to reply and that he was sorry. i wasnt too bothered about that. i said that i was sorry that it was a little heavy and he said 'heavys ok'. then he said that i had bad timing and he was just on his way out to an apointment. he said he'd email me soon, and with that he was gone.

during my class today i was thinking of that short conversation. and i realised that if dan really felt the same as i did, he wud have said "hey i got ur email and i feel the same way! but sorry i gotta run, chat soon..." ...or something along those lines. i mean i wasnt sitting there obsessing over the conversation, but yeh, that thought just kinda popped into my head. the fact that he said nothing kind of says to me that he plans on breaking it to me gently, or never breaking it to me at all.

so yeh, anyway i just came online then. and i saw that dan was online. but i didnt talk to him straight away. i logged onto my email then went to say hello, but...he was gone. my heart sunk. it seems to me as tho he left, cos i came online. i mean that only screams one thing doesnt it? maybe im jumping to conclusions..maybe he needs time to think it all thru and is avoiding me while he gets his head in order. but i doubt it :-(

*sigh* im so confused about this. im sitting here thinking "what happened to the dan i knew? or thought i knew?" this is just so weird. 3 weeks ago this was not a one sided thing. in fact he initiated every 'move' that was made pretty much. so that to me says that he was interested and that he was pursuing me. i was so sure that he wasnt using me as he seemed to respect me at times where most men wud use the situation to their advantage...i.e...me sleeping in his bed, but him sleeping in an entirely different apartment so i didnt feel uncomfortable.

it just makes no sense and i dont know wot i did to deserve this cold shoulder. im not sad enuff to cry. but i am hurt. i feel so betrayed and VERY confused. WOT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG!?

men are so hard to read and understand. just when u think u've found a good one...