innocence

innocence
who defines it?
and what is it?
when i think of innocence, i think of a porcelain faced young woman, in a beautiful dress of lace with apricot blush and rich dark hair, with perfect teeth, flawless skin and wonderful nails...who also happens to be a virgin.
to me, virginity defines innocence.
i am not innocent
although i am set free from my past.

but being 'pure' and still have ur virginity does not make u innocent really, does it?
after having lunch with a friend who is a virgin, but hearing all of her 'stories' i know she is very far from innocent. which made me think, how far is too far?

i think circumstances also define where to stopping point should be. kissing someone you love is fine. kissing a stranger who's name u dont know...not quite the same.

rolling over in the morning to your spunk husband must be a beautiful thing...no where near as depressing as rolling over in the morning to a stranger and wondering where u are and how you got there.

things ive done in the past drag me as from innocence as the east is from the west. but thats ok. i think god can use me in this. i hope that thru the tough lessons i learnt that i can help girls over come their weaknesses in the same area - or more importantly, warn them b4 they get there.

but that involves ppl knowing wots happened. and am i ready for that? this afternoon i was having a conversation with 2 other girls about sex. then it went onto how men fool girls into believing that its just wot 'everyones doing'. i shared a story about the guy i lost my virgintity too and the lies he told me. one of the girls seemed shocked that i wasnt a virgin. (which i guess is a good thing!!!) and then she was all like 'oh sweet r you ok? do u need a hug?" i just laughed and shrugged and said "nah im over it! it happened years ago"... i realised after i said that, that the way i emphasised the word 'years' wasnt such a good idea. and that shocked her even more. it was kind of funny. im not sure y. it just was.

anyway
im rambling

although ill never be 'innocent' i can still be pure in god. and im so thankful for that.